he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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