After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ok first of all what the fuck
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
