i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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