Ambien. No doubt about it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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