he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
