oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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