That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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