there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize