If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
why is half of my head shaved?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
