i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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