You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
