We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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