i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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