is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up under a house in Key West
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