The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
