Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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