You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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