New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
