it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
