Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
