haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
