I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
