You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
