Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize