Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
