Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
