I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
