well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
