apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize