Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
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