she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize