Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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