You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
