New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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