Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
