I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
pop tarts are not kleenex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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