names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
