I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
