Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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