I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
