is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
FUCK WHALES
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