life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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