hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just gargled with NyQuil
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
