I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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