so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
