The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize