I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
