I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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