my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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