Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
be right there i have to get my cape
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
