So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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