so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
