Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
