It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
