No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
