If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
