So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
