Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
