Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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