Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
