I will die if light touches me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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