He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
