This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
