sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize