Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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