Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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