Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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