i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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