I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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