Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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