OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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