Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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