He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
