I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
