When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
