I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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