That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
