Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
