This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize