Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
