oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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