don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i think i just lost a toe
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
