Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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