nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
