You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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