he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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