If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
