is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
