The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
