last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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