So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
