Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
