So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
