Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
